I hoped to god the plastic face I bought at the mall wouldn't melt in the sweltering sunlight. I wanna be a superstar. I was walking home on the shoulder of a highway when a person in a clown suit driving an ice cream truck threw bacon at me. I looked at the bacon on the ground. I didn't want it to go to waste so I ate in on my hands and knees like a pig. It was difficult to eat with my plastic face on. This bacon-eating delay was prophetic. My plastic face melted before I got home. It made a messy plastic face on the pavement. The soaring vultures knew what had to be done and I walked home crying with the knowledge that my $100,000 face would be put back into the earth like everything else.