The dead spider wanted to be a kids birthday party magician but the President wouldn’t allow it. So the dead spider did what any dead spider would do and planned to overthrow the government. The dead spider used its burgeoning magic skills and cast a spell that would poison the Presidential cereal. The dead spider turned the President’s Cocoa Puffs into arsenic pellets and laced the 2% milk with cyanide. When the President died and the whole government collapsed the dead spider was free to be whatever thing. But the dead spider felt so bad about the whole ordeal that the dead spider just went on being a dead spider.